BIG PAWS NEARLY GETS LOST IN THE BLACK HOLE

" You know - i really didn't believe it - I thought the banks were just pulling the wool over your eyes when they said they didn't know what happened to your money for between three and five days when they did a computer transfer. Now I do !!! I thought i'd investigate what id happen and yes there really was no need for those mad scientists to make that big tunnel under the Swiss Alps - the banks have been making black holes for years - its as though everything gets sucked in and if you're lucky - after 5 working days you appear at the other end - not knowing where you've been or whose company you've been in!! WOW!!!!

BY THE WAY - WATCH OUT - IT'S NEARLY DAYLIGHT!!!!!"

A TELEPHONE CONVERSATION I ONCE HAD WITH THE TAX MAN

"Do you remember the time I phoned up the tax man - very annoyed because he hadn't managed to sort out my tax refund ?"

"Oh yes - do remind me"

"Well it went something like this: 'Hello - Is that Mr Leech?'

'No , my name isn't Mr Leech'

'I think you'll find it is!!!' and then I put the phone down!!"

"Well if he couldn't admit his name, how are we ever going to get an honest govt running the country?"

BIG PAWS' SAYING FOR THE DAY

A Bird in The Bush is no way as worth as much as a Bush between the Jaws






Big Paws and I would like to thank Buster the Tiger for appearing in our blog - he is a British Snow White Tiger who unfortunately was abandoned by his mum early on and had to brought up by humans - if anyone knows a website that has been set up to help him live on do let us know so we can put a link on our blog

EYE OF THE TIGER

LETS PLAY ANOTHER GAME BIG PAWS :- LET'S FIND THE CCTV FOOTAGE

"I'll let you explain Big Paws..."

"Ah - Is this the game where someone admits to having close circuit television footage of am important event in history, but when it comes round for the investigators requesting a copy of said footage 'Whoops-a-daisy - We've managed to mislay our only copy of the footage' Game?"

"Yep - thats the one Big Paws!"


JCDM AND SEVERAL OTHERS WHO WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN - R.I.P

"A Typical Paddy Joke"

"Are you sure you should be telling this joke Big Paws?"

"Well - aren't you partly Irish? and didn't you laugh at this joke?"

"Ok - Go for it"

"Paddy drags a huge box to the Antiques Roadshow in Dublin & queues up to see an expert.

'Where did you get this ?' asks the bloke behind the desk

'Its been in my loft for 50 years.' replies Paddy ' & I think it must be some kind of family heirloom.'

'I see' says the expert 'tell me, do you have any kind of insurance on the object?'

'Why do you think I need it?' asks Paddy

'I'd say so - its your house's water tank !!'"

WELL BIG PAWS - HERE'S A GAME FOR YOU TO PLAY

"YOU CAN CHOOSE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING - ALL THE REST YOU MUST BIN - GOOD LUCK!!!!"

Mat's mate Elmo makes a prank call...

"Oi CONCKERS!!!"

"I havent heard Mat call you that in a long time Big Paws!!"

"I know Jason - he'll get us all into trouble ....Have you heard from Mat's cousin Sidney The Sniper recently?"



"No Conckers - since Rat Riars went inactive all's been quite from Sidney"

"Oh good - better send him a message just in case!"

THE US GOVT'S 1/2 a trillion dollar bail out of the banks...

"So Big Paws - what do you have to say about the US Govt's plan to bail the banks out with 1/2 a trillion dollars?"

"Well - it reminds me of The James Bond film 'The Living Daylights', when the arms dealer at the end of the film asks James Bond what he's done with his half a billion bucks and Bond replies 'It went up in smoke'

And the arms dealer replies 'Well hell, you could have been a rich man , instead of a poor dead one'"

"I wont ask you who the arm's dealer is Big Paws !!!!! We'll leave that to the imagination of the blog reader!!"

"ROAR ON!!!!"

"Did you hear about the lion in The States?"

"Yes - that's Shackle who got caught up in Hurricane Ike - fortunately her owner managed to find them both shelter in a church in Crystal Beach, Texas"

"Do you think they've found the tiger who escaped from the same zoo ?"

"Well - hopefully they have done because if they're not careful he'll be very angry by now and as you know Tigers are infamous for their mode of attack - The Ambush"

George Bush and his pet goat

SO BIG PAWS - What are all these Music Links about?

"Well - now you ask - Its time I explain to everyone out there - You see the problem I've faced since you took me and the boys on is how to repay you for the kindness you've shown me. When I first met you, you had just started to promote "Paragon DJ Registry " in all the DJ Magazines DJ Magand you and your partner Dan had started to build quite a good business - But after that submarine sunk in Guam and the Tsunami (see blog - Sky News has now removed this article from their site [see Blair offered job with Murdoch])happened all around the same time you seemed to lose quite a lot of hope in humanity, and as a result along with your normal day to day businesses that you are both involved in had very little time or motivation to keep it going.

But thanks to a lot of persuasion from me and the boys you've decided to let me help you make the business strong and worthwhile again to everyone involved - the dj's , the public and even the fickle music industry.
i am aware that there will be a lot of problems facing us especially in the promotions business, which i am quite aware is very difficult to break into, but I think we've learn't enough from other peoples mistakes and even some of our own that we'll do ok"

"Alright Big Paws - thank you for that explanation - I have to admit that I am still quite dubious about doubling my workload again and especially in such troubled times in the World Economy - but I'm sure it will be fun and useful to upgrade my web page skills, which I haven't really done since the early start of this millenium, as Dan is now to busy with his other web pages - some say we should get some freelance web page designers in - but I'm afraid to say Big Paws the budget just isn't big enough - anyway you better go and sort out your boys for bed and im going to get an early one too - Laters - no doubt we'll talk again tomorrow...."

"But tomorrow never comes"

"Therefore Tomorrow Never Dies"

I know you're busy Big Paws but just a few more questions

"Alright there Big Paws - Are these a good example of the wild dogs you rescued Mat from ?"

"Dont be stupid !!! What do you think I am? Here's a picture of real wild dogs"





"So this way of catching fish wouldnt really be your cup of tea then?"



"Hmm - quite inventive - 2 problems I can see though - The fish isnt big enough to feed me and the boys and 2nd - wouldn't we have to wait for a hurricane to come and flood the place before it would work?"

"Good point Big Paws!! But I thought you Tiger's were good at swimming - I mean look at your cousin Odin"




"Good Point - But like you humans its always good to have some land to come back too!!"

One more thing - you mentioned you wacked the dogs out of the way - Is this what you do when you go hunting?"

"Well - not giving away too many trade secrets, but yes it's a technique us Tigers have perfected over the generations - Here's one of my cousins demonstrating the technique for you..."



"Well thanks for your time Big Paws - hope we get a chance to catch up soon"

"No Problem - Until then ROAR ON!!!"

My 1st Interview with "Big Paws"

"Well - you've really pre empted my first question - why you're called Big Paws -"


"Hmm - Didnt think that would it be too difficult to work out!!!"


"So Big Paws - how did you come to find yourself as my permanent house pet?"

"Well - it was like this - i was bought to your old flat by one of the people who rented the flat from you - as you know they left in a rush having not paid their rent for over 8 months and left me to fend for myself in your garage. I dont know why but you took pity on me and you looked after me ever since - even though I must admit I am in rather dire need of a wash!!!"



"Yes - I have to admit you're more of a Grey White Tiger than a Snow White Tiger these days! You obviously feel quite at ease though because you now have two of your sons living with you and a black and white cat, called Mat who you seem to have adopted."



"Yup - this is Roary....


















This is Roar.....

















And this is Mat...."












"So how did you come across Mat?"


"Well I was out with the boys one day and there was this black and white cat miaowing away - he kept on saying "Hello...Hello...Is anyone there?"


Then the wild dogs came and started barking away and chasing Mat - We managed to distract the dogs and I used my big paws to wack away some of them.

Then we took Mat to the flat - I tried to make a joke about a giraffe but as it turned out Mat was completely humourless - i knew right away that he would get on with the boys...

Then Roary asked him "So where you from?"

Roar replied "Its obvious - he's come from the vets - he stil wearing the green overcoat... Are you a doctor?"

"No I'm a patient - I was running a rat from Aldwych to The Strand when this cyclist mowed me down - I wake up today and it's like I'm hallucinating or something - what's going on?"

"OK - Sit down - we'll try and tell you what's happened...First it was on the street - its was on the news - on the websites - it was happening in your face 24 hours a day 7 days a week... then thats when the news blackouts started - there was no explanation - just the news stories all seemed to be stuck in a loop - you'd watch a news bulletin about the Russian Invasion of Georgia and all they would show you was the same burnt out tank and the same smouldering block of flats over and over again. Then they showed the Chinese Olympics, but it was the even worse - About 10 people (humans) managed to make a protest about human rights but they were soon arrested and deported from the country."

"But there must be a democracy " said Matt increduosly "There's always a democracy - they'll be in a plane or in a bunker organising their next bit of humanitarian aid"


"There's no Democracy - there's more police but not much army as they're all stuck in Iraq or Afghanistan. See, when I was younger, - look - it all started with the poll tax riots - people were really angry and wanted their voice to be heard so they went on the sreets and the politicians had to react - But Mrs Thatcher (who was at the time The Conservative Prime Minister of Great Britain) soon introduced laws which meant that people were not allowed to travel in convoys, basically making it illegal for people to organise a demonstration, let alone a picnic!!!!.

Then came along Mr Tony Blair (supposedly a Labour Politician, but his dad had tried to be a Conservative MP)- when he told the people that we were to goto war against Iraq the protesters flocked to the streets in their 100 000's in Central London
so he went even further - to the stage where made it illegal for anyone to hold a protest within a certain distance from Parliament Square - That Great Bastion of Democracy you keep on dreaming of Mat.
But to make it even worse he then resigned and decreed that the next Prime Minister wouldnt be voted in by the public but he should automatically take over from himself.

You can see what its done to the humans, Mat - they seem to have lost all sense of purpose - they're almost like zombies - wandering about aimlessly wondering what the all powerful will do next.

Some even say that the govt has been putting neuro chemicals in the water supply and now its evolved into the blood."

"What about my parents ? - I must try and find my parents " insisted Mat "They'll be alright - they know what to do..."

"Mat " said Big Paws "if you want we'll go and look for your parents tomorrow - but they'll be like every one else - human and pet - they'll be lost - Now you must eat









and then you must sleep ....."



"And To This Day We have never even found a trace of Mat's Parents...."



"Thankyou Big Paws for your time - its been a great pleasure interviewing you at last - I hope we'll be able to keep this blog going as its always interesting to hear a Tiger's Point Of View. Anything you'd like to add before we go?"


"Hmmm - Yes there's one thing - One of my favourite sayings: "DON'T DO A RUMSFELD - DO IT WITH ROAR NOT AWE!!!!!"